We are in our winter slump right now.
Jonathon has been on edge alot lately.....Jonathon is unhappy and sad alot lately...Jonathon does not want mommy as much lately...Jonathon wants his big brothers.....alot!!!
As much as I know that his big brothers love him very much....they are getting older and want there free time after school too....which doesn't include little brother as much these days! And I don't blame the big brothers at all....and I know they feel guilty because trust me Jonathon can lay it on thick! So I intervene and find something for Jonathon to do and let the big brothers sneak off........not that I think it would ever happen but I don't want them to ever dislike their baby brother so I try to make sure they have their space when needed.
Which in turn goes right back to mom not having any free time for her! Which goes back to our winter slump....I have a ton of things that need to be done, but I never have any "me" time to get anything done. I swear that I have about 10 different projects started and none of them are anywhere near finished. Which in turn gets pretty damn stressful at times.
And I try to have Jonathon ready for bed by 7:30p.m. so he is asleep by 8p.m. so I can have a little bit of me time....But then my teenagers come back up and want their mom time too and of course I can't resist because I love all my boys unconditionally and I am very happy that my teenagers want to spend time with me still. But man......some days....some days I get very very grumpy because lets face it...I am fricken tired! Not tired of being a mom....just worn out...exhausted.....tired....want to sleep for more than 5 hours and would give anything to sleep in....Sleep in? what the heck is that?
As I am grumpy through out the day and I know I am grumpy and I try telling myself to stop being grumpy...sometimes its so hard! But then I see those little eyes looking up at me....wondering why mommy is so angry....and oh my gosh....my heart melts and I step back and regroup and grab my son and hug him and kiss him and tell him mommy is so sorry.......And then we find an activity to do together and well the rest can just wait until another day.
We just need spring to get here so we can go outside and get some fresh air and play! And soak in the sunshine. And take our new Tiny dog out so she can play on our 6 acres. I can't wait to see what Jonathon and Tiny do together. I am hoping that they become best friends. I want to take a walk in our woods with Jonathon....I want to go on walks with my big dog Scruffy....who is looking sad and old too right now. I want to go to the park......I want to sit on my deck and soak up the sunshine and just listen......
As I said in the beginning.....we need spring....
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